Submitted by Craig on Tue, 04/25/2017 - 01:48

The Idea:

The Parts Integration or Parts Negotiation pattern is useful for times when we hold conflicting values, each having a great importance within ourselves. Strong values or desired outcomes are backed by mental and emotional resources, such that when these conflicts happen a real internal struggle can ensue, and one part of ourselves can find itself at war with another. We feel like there is no way out of these dilemmas or conundrums except to let the parts go on fighting.

Occasional dilemmas are a part of life, but when these battles rage on for too long, it can become debilitating. Fortunately whether the conflict is occasional or constant, we can use this NLP pattern to arrive at a win-win or no-deal solution.

The Pattern:

NLP Parts Negotiation

1. Identify the parts, and check for "yes" and "no" for each.

  • Get in touch with the part of you that does or believes in X... Does it have a name?
  • What signal would X like to give us to mean "yes", congruently?
  • Now get in touch with the part of you that does or believes in Y... Does it have a name?
  • What signal would Y like to give us to mean "yes", congruently?

2. Determine the desired outcomes and positive intentions of each part in turn

  • Let's start by giving X an audience... What positive outcome does X want for you... and when X gets that outcome, what does that do for you... and what does that outcome do for you?
  • Now, let's give Y a turn... What positive outcome does Y want for you... and when Y gets that outcome, what does that do for you... and what does that outcome do for you?

3. Engage the parts in understanding the interests of the other

  • Does X understand and agree with any of the positive intentions of Y? Which, and how much?
  • Does Y understand and agree with any of the positive intentions of X? Which, and how much?

4. Negotiate an agreement

  • Can X can agree not to interrupt or sabotage Y when it is expressing itself through you?
  • Go inside and check for a congruent "yes".
  • Can Y can agree to wait its turn to express itself when X holds sway in you?
  • Go inside and check for a congruent "yes".

5. Make a deal

  • Can both sides agree to cooperate respectfully of each other for the foreseeable future?
  • If either side becomes dissatisfied with the other, would it please give a clear sign so that we know it is time to renegotiate? Can that sign be given amicably?

6. Check for ecology

  • Are there any other parts of you that disagree with this deal?
  • Are there any other reasons not to implement this plan now?
  • If there are are any incongruencies, return to step 4.

When to Use This Pattern:

This pattern can be used whenever you pick up on emotionalized speech like "on the one hand..., and on the other hand... I can't decide, and I wind up hating myself!", or "I feel torn by this constant dilemma...!", or "that's the conundrum!" Use this pattern whenever you hear yourself or another using these speech patterns.

Remember that parts are not separate, but just different aspects of our one-self. The goal is always to bring more congruency into more contexts, even when some urges must wait their turn for expression.

Credits:

Richard Bandler, John Grinder, and others.