Submitted by Craig on Sun, 05/07/2017 - 04:26

No Quick NLP Seduction Techniques Here!

Sorry, dear reader... to save us both time. anyone looking for NLP tricks to rapidly and covertly seduce their dating partners can move on to other more qualified sites. Respectfully, you won't find that information here. But if you're interested the long view, sprinkled with a little ecology, adventure and bliss, then you are in the right place.

Neurolinguistic Programming Models Success

Remember that at the Heart of NLP is the modeling of successful strategies in others, so that we can make those strategies our own. Those people we model may be famous, but not necessarily so. When dating for the long run, think of other couples that have stood the test of time and got happier the longer they were together, and ask them how they did it. You may get some other strategies, but I'll share a couple here.

Dating Strategy No. 1: It's Easier to Pick 'em than to Train 'em

This first strategy is really a belief, but whether you believe it or not, it is a useful posture when approaching dating. Is it not true that we only marry who we date? Except for my Eastern friends who's parents and inlaws did all the vetting up front, the rest of us tend to shack up with someone we get to know from our own dating pool of one or more. (If you find this is not true for you, I'd love to hear about it).

Whether dating broadly, or narrowing the field we tend to date partners that are a reflection of who we think we are or imagine that we want to be. More than anything else, we humans need an identity in the world, and we will fight and die to preserve it. Virginia Satir pointed out that this urge is stronger than the urge to live. So people don't date each other... egos date each other.

After selecting a partner, we tend to continue together when who we think we are is directly or indirectly reinforced by the other person. Otherwise, we tend to split or continue suffering together when we learn that the other will never conform to our self-constructed identity. To continue in relationship with such a person is the very definition of hell (or at least one definition).

So why would anyone want go as far as marriage without ever probing"who am I, and what do I want?", and "who are you, and what do you want?", and finally "how can we help each other get what we want most?"

The reasons for rushing past the important questions are as nutty as they come, aren't they? Here are a few good one's I've heard:

  • He/she was rich (or at least I thought so)...
  • I thought I could change him/her...
  • My parents though he/she was wonderful...
  • He/she turned me on...
  • We went to the same church...
  • It was foreordained...
  • I was drunk...
  • I never dated anyone else...
  • We both liked dogs...
  • We were great in bed...
  • It was time...
  • I couldn't stand to be alone...
  • He/she reminded me of someone else...
  • I couldn't say no...

... and I'm sure you have some zingers of your own. This stuff is the fodder of both stand-up and sit-down comedy, and we laugh because we are all guilty of rushing in to some degree. That's why the jokes are so damned funny, and we all know that to laugh is better than to cry.

Dating Strategy No. 2: My Story is Dating Your Story

Would you pay to see a movie that was was a careful splicing together of "Moulin Rouge" and "Die Hard". Me neither. Know your story, and don't mind telling it, but remember it's your story, and then remember that your date has their own story too. As you're getting to know your date better, the strategy is to try thinking about it that way. What is the plot? What is the theme? Who are the actors? Who gets it in the end? Taking a step back and evaluating your date in terms of their story is both entertaining and insightful.

Anyone can sit through a bad for a couple of hours, and then you're only out a few bucks. If your date's story is really good, and matches your own in important ways, you and your date know there is going to be a sequel.

Dating Strategy No. 3: Take it Slow, and Think with Both Brains

Why would we put more effort into picking a car, or a horse, or a stock than a partner? Figuratively speaking, every dater has two brains, and not enough blood to work them both at the same time. Now, eventually the blood does find its way to the other brain, but we require a few alternating cycles to come to a fuller understanding between them both. Attraction waxes and wanes, and when it wanes, support for the whole person must be there too.

Dating Strategy No. 4: Find a New Meaning for "No"

So here is some advice you won't get anywhere else... To get a full yes, you need to go through a lot of no's. Go for the no! The problem with this advice is that most daters associate fear, regret, embarrassment or shame with a no, so they'll do anything to avoid it. Daters: you're afraid of the wrong thing. A no can sting a little, but a superficial yes can kill you.

The best think NLP can do for a dater is to associate better meaning and feelings with a no, so that the dater can be honest, expressive about what they want, and through the dating process eventually arrive at a full yes.

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